Heat Wave

Well the weather finally turnind to summer. I have been putting the air on every day, but so far have been able to turn it off at night. Soon that will be history too. Tomorrow is the 4th of July. Since I don't consider myslef very patriotic I won't post an entry about the US of A, but I will say that we really need to do something about all those young men who are losing thier lives over in the middle east. They need to come home and be with thier families now.

I have been really emotional I will chalk it up to PMS and the seven little dwarfs. I found out yesterday that my two darling children (yes that was said sacastically) are going to have dinner tonight with my ex and his "family". WTF! Since when should they be socializing with the enemy! It upsets me to no end. Bite my tongue!

Another Day in Paradise

I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't take a sleeping pill either. I am trying to create some normalcy in my life, some routine, some type of happiness. It was just another Monday at work. I am waiting for the contingencies to be removed from our house; tomorrow is the deadline. I want to make an offer on a house, as I have mentioned. But I think that the snarky builder who is buying our place is holding out and will ask for more credits, even though we were very clear when we accepted his offer that we would offer NO credits and that we didn't want him to waste our time if he intended to try and nickel and dime us.

If you haven't seen the house these two links will take you to realtor.com listings which have several pictures. Different ones from each link.
http://www.realtor.com/Prop/1072515086
www.realtor.com/Prop/1072526330

He got a deal for what we gave it to him for!!! That's the scoop on the house. I will be writing an offer on the house around the corner on Wednesday, and submit it as soon as things are settled, if things are settled.

Out of Control

I lost it Friday night. I am really ashamed of myself. No one was here but the dogs. I was depressed, not sure about anything. Roscoe, or one of them, I am pretty sure it was Roscoe, pissed on my bed. I thew Roscoe across the room, I felt awful then I banged my head against the wall until could hardly see. Roscoe is fine, he landed on the big down comforter he peed on. I was drinking, which I do more than I should. I have a lump on my forehead, and am feeling pretty depressed.

I made myself dinner tonight. All by myself, all alone. Breaded chicken breasts, parmigiana, with spaghetti and sauce. They were good, to bad I didn't have someone to share them with. That would have been nice.

We got an offer

This is either a good thing, or a bad thing, The offer is low, way low. An 80% offer, which is supposed to be typical. I am snarky about it because that means I have to leave my home, and I don't want to.

We have another appointment

If I hear those 4 words again I am going to scream. I know its a good thing in terms of selling the house, but it is so flipping inconvienient. I haven't cooked for over two weeks, and am dying for some decent food. Not resturant either, my cooking!!! Tonight I went to Whole Foods, salad bar and hot food bar, could not believe the price tag for some salads, a piece of chicken spinach and mac and cheese. Don't even guess.

I want to cook this week for the masses. Maybe wednesday but the brat is grounded from TV (because he didn't turn in an english assignment) and I don't feel like dealing with him if I can't plug him into a TV for a few hours. He is just so high maintenance. He can't entertain himself for 5 minutes and I refuse to entertain him and cook him dinner.

One of my best friends was right. Regardless of how I feel about D, his son, will always be his son, and always be a challenge (I think). I need to remember that and not reach expectations that are unreasonable,.

Snarky

I am in a foul mood, and have been for the last few days. I am dreading the upcoming hoildays, my house is on the market which means it has to be picked up and clean every morning before I leave for the office. This is not me. I like leaving my underware on the floor in the bathroom, and not making my bed. Dishes need to be washed, which I rarely do. I load the dishwasher until full then leave the rest in the sink until Thursday when the cleanng lady comes and finishes up. Now remember its just little ole me in the house now, so we are not talking a huge pile, we are talking a few glasses and a plate or two in the sink.

I even have to leave tonight so the house can be shown at 7 pm. I will not tolerate this level of inconvenience for very long.

On the other hand there have been lots of showings, and realtor open houses yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an advertised one for buyers on this Sunday. I think it may sell fairly quickly. Which means I will be homeless sooner than later.

I did find a very cute place, which I will be seeing for the second time tomorrw. I will take D there for his opinion. The only drawback is that there is no yard. Only a patio. There is hillside in the front, but without terracing it would be too steep for the dogs. This is a possibly big problem. I love the house, but what do I do about the pooches?

mia

ok. so last wednesday the docs put me back into the hospital, i had more surgery on my finger. the infection had not cleared ans was quite awful. aat this point the problem is no longer from sprocket biting me, it is from doctors not treating the infectio agressively after surgery. so i spent 6 days in the hospital and am now home on IV antibiotics for 6 friggin weeks!!!

i definately will not be able to go into the office for a couple weeks. they are sending a nurse to the house everyday to change my dressing and look at the PICC line, which i am gettin antibiotics in. i change th iv bag daily and the pump measures the dosage and infuses the stuff. wonders of modern medicine.

so other than being, exhausted, in pain, depressed and snarky, life is ok. i suppose.

Snarky

Love that little word. It describes how I have been feeling the last few days. I am also feeling a wave of depression, kind of like "what next"?. Been on the verge of tears a few times too. Not sure what all this means. Maybe on the verge of a "crack up", "breakdown" (not break dance), or just plain sad.

Bunches of headaches, at work, the divorce which is getting realy ugly, at least the relationship is fine, other than the kid. Not my kids, his kid. Who is 14, diabetic, had ADHD and is spoiled rotten. Yep, the kid gets on my nerves pretty easily. Although it is better now. At first almost every date he would call bored, with a tummy ache, wanted something. Now we do spend time with the kids, and the alone time is less interupted.

Life feels lonely. Sometimes I think about where I am at. 46, living alone with 3 dogs, a husband who walked out on me, a daughter who died, a sister who died, trying to smile at everyone and everything like it is all ok, and normal. It is not fucking normal to have all this shit happen to you. Maybe God is punishing me for something.

My New Mantra

"I had rather be shut up in a very modest cottage, with my books, my family, and a few old friends, dining on simple bacon, and letting the world roll on as it liked, than to occupy the most spendid post, which any human power can give."

Thomas Jefferson

This is an excerpt from an e-mail from my attorney today ....

...On Friday I received a letter from A*** attorney which you will get. There are a couple of surprises...I think he is saying that when he received the $29,815 net pay, A**** was 9 months behind on the first and 10 months behind on the 2nd, and he paid those out of those funds. Unbelievable! I have put a call into his lawyer to verify that's what he meant, because, as you know, his letter is 12 pages long and I might have mis-read it. He wants to put the house on the market, but, wants to charge you "rent" for being there in the interim. Legally, he can do that, but I would like your permission to say, if he is charging "rent", you'll move out and pay rent elsewhere, and he'll have to make the house available for showing, and you'll charge him rent........

Al F*cking lies from his attorney. If the payment was that late we would have been forclosed on. This is amazing. The crap is is trying to pull. What did I do to deserve this!!!