Pathetic Again

OK so I am feeling pathetic once again. I believe the last time I mentioned this was right after Nat died. I have been wanting to post. I have been writing posts in my mind. Sort of like blogging daydreams. But have not put it into real word on the screen for some reason. Maybe I am afraid of what I will read. I am supposed to be OK now. Its been a year and a half since Nat Died, my husband left me, my divorce is final, as of May 21st, I have boyfriend, a house a job. So what is wrong?

I think I might be depressed. I am gaining weight, eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too much. I have a list of things I need to do and no motivation. For a few weeks it was to hot to do anything, and I have been financially challenged. But things are better now. Weather is nice, my bank account is not double digits, I could plant my flower boxes and the pots on the patio, there is lots to be done.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I don't want to do anything. I am sad, lonely, disappointed, I want to sleep all the time. I need some motivation, some friends, some purpose.

Jake is back at school, Candice is too busy now to spend any time with me. For the last 10 years I took care of everyone, my kids my husband. Made their lives better. Now they are all gone, and my life sucks. I don't have anyone to take care of, no one to talk to , to cook for, to yell at, to remind to take their medicines, to pick up after, its just me and the pooches. Just me.

Flying Solo

Yesterday I was home, day off, cleaning lady was coming and I didn't want to be here while she worked. So I decided to do something I never do, I went out to breakfast by myself. I went to a little place in town and sat outside, it was early so the air was still cool, brought my LA times, and settled in. There were a few other solo breakfast waters at tables, mostly guys. I ordered 2 poached eggs and bacon, decaf coffee. It wasn' so bad, I enjoyed the cool air the food was fine, and had 3 cups of java before I realized I still had several more hours to kill.

I decided to get my car washed, by then it was about 10:30 and the mall was open so that was my next stop. Daringly I went right to the Theatre-plex and decided a movie would be fun. I had wanted to see Ratatouille, and it was starting in 5 minutes perfect,well almost. Until SOLD OUT began flashing instead of the showtime, and several screaming children behind me were very disappointed. Ah, a sign, I need to see something rated R. No kids, quiet theatre. Knocked Up was starting so I got my ticket and hurried into the quiet theatre with no more that 10 adults. The movie was light, funny, and what I needed, no serious stuff. Afterwards I hit Nordstroms for a couple T's and went home to a clean house.

I't felt good to at last not be afraid to be alone and do things alone. I have never been to a movie or eaten alone, excpet when I have traveled on business. Even then I get room service 99% of the time.

If you have not read my Food Blog, you need to get your fannies over there and start. I am hoping to have a byline on this site soon. The approached me:

...I would like to suggest is that we collaborate on the reposting of your reviews about Pasadena restaurants. We are very tightly focused, geographically, and cannot carry articles on restaurants OUTSIDE Pasadena. But those that are in Pasadena we'd love to cover, running your byline and link to your blog. Does this interest you?

Hell ya!