March 2006 through July 2006

July 18, 2006

I am journaling again!!!! But in a different spot. Send me and e-mail and I will give you my new URL!

May 18, 2006

I realize I have not posted for a month. I am not sure what I am doing, avoiding. Mitzi did not come back. Sadly. I found out the jerk filed the divorce papers 2 days after we buried Natalie. Divorce is not a fun thing.

April 19, 2006

Still no Meemo. Every time I drive in or out of my driveway I look everywhere, every time I go outside I walk the perimeter and call her.

April 10, 2006

Mitzi is still MIA. I got up several times during the night to check the porch. I thought she might come back to eat. I am a mess about this. I called the vet and the spca. They both were not very encouraging about her returning. They said 50/50 if she doesn't get eaten.

I have to stay for a meeting tonight. Which means I won't be able to look for her before dark again.

The weekend had started off so well too. Friday was probably the best day I have had all year, then this happens.

April 9, 2006

Somehow yesterday Mitzi got out of the house. I had the front door open about 20 minutes while I was hosing off the porch and stairs because of the mess left from all the rain we had. I didn't realize she was gone until last night about 6-6:30 when she wasn't coming out to eat. She always comes into the kitchen when I feed the dogs. She likes to eat then too. I looked all over, this morning I put up signs. Does anyone out there know how to get a house cat to come back home once she has escaped??? I have put food out at various spots in the yard, up from where the dogs could get it. I also have tried to keep the dogs in all day today so she won't be afraid of coming in the yard. Even though she gets along with them she might be hesitant. God please say prayers Mitzi comes home!!!! I don't need this right now!!!!!

April 3, 2006


Friday night I had Candice over, one of Nat's best friends was home from college so she came over with her mom and sister, and several other of the girls friends came too! I think there we 10 of in all. I got lasagna and shells, from my favorite Italian deli, and I made sausages and peppers. It was fun. All the girls are over 21 so we drank lots of wine. It was good for my soul to see all the girls. I just wish Nat was there with us.

Yesterday I had my weekly puppy class with Daisy. She is really smart, and when I do reinforcement training at home I am getting Roscoe to learn too. He likes the treats!! Those two love each other. We also went to the dog park. I just love going there and now with the time change we will be able to go after work too.

Today I was a veg. I got up late and am still in my jammies. I am making some steaks for dinner, I have had a craving for a piece of meat. The Sopranos is on too, so it will be a relaxing evening.

I put up a page for Meemo.

March 31, 2006


It looks like it will rain again this afternoon. I like the rain, it is just that when it rains I can't take the dogs to the dog park, and we all really enjoy going.

I finally have a repair man coming out this morning to fix the heater. It has not worked for months! I have two units, the one where the bedrooms are is functioning fine! don't worry I have not been freezing all winter!

March 28, 2006


Today is Tuesday, which means tomorrow will be Wednesday. Not that it really matters.

I just got a phone call from the transplant coordinator at K@sier. Hearing her voice made me cry. She used to call me alot when Natalie was sick, I would call her to get updates on Nat, as she had ready access to the doc's and other information. I suppose because of the strong connection to Natalie, it just was over whelming. I wanted the autopsy results from nats lungs to determine what caused her to reject. It is not ready yet.

Daisy is coming along. She is really a sweet dog, and minds pretty well now. I still will not leave Sprocket and Daisy in the same area with out supervision. But Daisy makes me smile, she snuggles with me at night.

March 23, 2006


I made it through a whole week of work. Some mornings it is just really hard to get out of bed, but I find if I do, and get my but to work the interactions with people help alot. Even if I am not getting as much done as I should. This week I had to get my preliminary budget done. So that kept me quite busy.

I miss my husband alot. I spoke to him today on the phone. The stove broke last night and I wanted to make sure he would pay for a new one if it could not be fixed. I e-mailed him in China and he called me. I cried after I hung up. I want to be angry, but I am lonely. I told him I had not spoken to a lawyer yet, and for him not to expect me to have done it by the time he gets home. He didn't say anything.

March 13, 2006


I am lonely. I have figured out what is bothering me the most. I don't have any friends. I spend my life taking care of my kids and husband. Now there are no kids or husband. Jacob is low maintenance. I am high maintenance.

So I almost didn't go into work. I was feeling ultra depressed, and my assistant called me and told me I had a conference call with an attorney and HR. oh shit, I was in the office within an hour.

March 12, 2006


Time is just passing. I am not even sure of its purpose anymore.

I went to the awards dinner, it was nice. I can't say I really enjoyed myself, but it was fine. I got dressed up, felt good, and got compliments, so that was self esteem building, at least.

I got on the scale this morning and have lost 13 pounds. I am excited because I have another month to lose, and I might won the diet contest!

I hired a trainer for Daisy, after we had an altercation with Sprocket, who ended up with several puncture wounds and 3 stitches. I didn't want to give her back to the rescue, I wanted to try. So we are working on her behavior, and I am taking her to the dog park with Roscoe. She is forcing me to get up early, and have something to do, other than the little pity party's I have been having in the evenings. We also start puppy class next Saturday.

In case you guys are wondering what she looks like:



March 7, 2006


Today someone I don't even know told me that I was not pathetic. GOD how that helps. Thanks you who ever you are, I would like to know you.

March 6, 2006


I am pathetic. I went to work today, feeling yucky. Came home early about 4ish. I at least got all my performance reviews written for my employees, there were several due. I have one more to write. I am also attempting to reclassify 2 of my employees, I have approval for one. We will see what my a33hole boss says about the other.

I have to go to a semi-formal dinner Friday . It is an employee recognition dinner, and I have 4 employees being recognized, for longevity. So I have to do the presentations. I don't want to go, I don't want to go especially alone, and I don't have anything to wear, and I can't imagine looking for a dress right now. Can't I just wear sweats? This is not a good thing.

I suppose I can try on all my little black dresses and see if any fit me. Maybe there is one that is bigger than the little one.

This will be my first "stag" outing, and my first social appearance since Natalie died. Which means I will have to go through more condolences, or stares. Hopefully no one will ask where hubby is, JUST LOOK AT THE FINGER!

Ok, so maybe I should find a boy toy to go with me, so no one says anything to my face, they will all just be whispering behind my back. I can deal with that. Good gossip is fun.

Please say a prayer for my friend Y, she is going through hell too.

March 4, 2006


It has been a while since I have written. Not much has changed. I met with Andy last Sunday to give him his mail. He definitely wants a divorce, he does not want to try to work out our life together. I still just don't get it all.

I went back to work, which keeps me quite busy. I also got another dog, Daisy. It was the one Natalie wanted to get when she was out of the hospital.