The Ghosts

Last night I went back and read the last 2 years of my journal. If you have not read me before at www.my-meadow.com, I have 5 years of journaling there. Being where I am today I was important for me to get a feeling for why I am where I am at now. It was sad but enlightening. It seems as if the last 3 years have really been hard. 2004, Nat had her transplant and all the stress and time and energy that goes with that, 2005 Nat decided to do drugs and try and kill herself, and she battled with rejection episodes and several pneumonia's, and 2006 well that was the worst. But it made me realize that this year has to be better. There has been so much turmoil and stress and sadness in my life these last few years that suffuce to say if things don't get better I am checking out. Stringtown is looking better all the time.

Merry Christmas

To all and to all a good night!

We got an offer

This is either a good thing, or a bad thing, The offer is low, way low. An 80% offer, which is supposed to be typical. I am snarky about it because that means I have to leave my home, and I don't want to.

5 days until Christmas

Not sure why I am suddenly getting chatty. Maybe its the time of year, maybe its cuz I am lonely. I realized a person can feel lonely even when they are surrounded by people. What a notion. It is five days until Christmas. I need to wrap presents, grocery shop for meals that I will be serving, and get a tree. Yep, still have not got a tree. Will do that tomorrw, maybe.

I had this idea that I would throw out all the old ornaments, old memories, and buy all new stuff. I changed my mind. I will carefully go through all the ornaments, any that do not have "good" memories, or are not extra special to me will go in the trash. I want some new traditions and new memories. Better yet maybe this year I won't even open the Christmas boxes, I will just put lights on the tree and be done with it! Leave the ornament thing for next year when I am not as inclined to throw things away!

All Carols all the time!

Been thinking a lot about life, death, holiday time and what it all means if anything. This has been a difficult time for me. What isn’t (whine). I was grouchy for about 2 weeks, and now I am just working through it all.

I started listening to Christmas carols on the all carols all the time radio station on the way to pick up Jacob from the airport Friday; have not changed the station since. Made dinner for the gang Friday night, it was nice to have everyone together. Saturday night D and I went to dinner. The restaurant was all decked out for the holidays, we had fun. I even finished all my shopping!!!

Sunday I made a wreath and hung the stockings, yesterday I finished my Christmas newsletter which gets included with the cards I am supposed to be sending; haven’t done that yet. The only reason I even wrote a newsletter this year was because I have been getting cards from people I only hear from once a year. They didn’t know Nat died or Asshole left me! They will be in for a big surprise!

Today I took my staff out for lunch; I do this every year for Christmas. They pick the place, I pick up the tab. Tonight I go to the brats Christmas program, since he is in Choir at school. It should be fun. Get to hear teenagers sign Christmas carols. At least the can’t be snarky while they are singing.

I am taking time off from work through out the holidays, and am looking forward to having some fun. Maybe seeing a few movies, cooking some yummy meals, looking for a place to live. Forgetting about what is sad, and creating a few new memories. I just hope D realizes just because he is taking a week of, we don’t have to spend it all with the kid. I really want some time with him, and no kid.

We have another appointment

If I hear those 4 words again I am going to scream. I know its a good thing in terms of selling the house, but it is so flipping inconvienient. I haven't cooked for over two weeks, and am dying for some decent food. Not resturant either, my cooking!!! Tonight I went to Whole Foods, salad bar and hot food bar, could not believe the price tag for some salads, a piece of chicken spinach and mac and cheese. Don't even guess.

I want to cook this week for the masses. Maybe wednesday but the brat is grounded from TV (because he didn't turn in an english assignment) and I don't feel like dealing with him if I can't plug him into a TV for a few hours. He is just so high maintenance. He can't entertain himself for 5 minutes and I refuse to entertain him and cook him dinner.

One of my best friends was right. Regardless of how I feel about D, his son, will always be his son, and always be a challenge (I think). I need to remember that and not reach expectations that are unreasonable,.

Snarky

I am in a foul mood, and have been for the last few days. I am dreading the upcoming hoildays, my house is on the market which means it has to be picked up and clean every morning before I leave for the office. This is not me. I like leaving my underware on the floor in the bathroom, and not making my bed. Dishes need to be washed, which I rarely do. I load the dishwasher until full then leave the rest in the sink until Thursday when the cleanng lady comes and finishes up. Now remember its just little ole me in the house now, so we are not talking a huge pile, we are talking a few glasses and a plate or two in the sink.

I even have to leave tonight so the house can be shown at 7 pm. I will not tolerate this level of inconvenience for very long.

On the other hand there have been lots of showings, and realtor open houses yesterday, today and tomorrow, with an advertised one for buyers on this Sunday. I think it may sell fairly quickly. Which means I will be homeless sooner than later.

I did find a very cute place, which I will be seeing for the second time tomorrw. I will take D there for his opinion. The only drawback is that there is no yard. Only a patio. There is hillside in the front, but without terracing it would be too steep for the dogs. This is a possibly big problem. I love the house, but what do I do about the pooches?