Holding On

How do we put one foot in front of another, get out of bed in the morning, and make it through the day. How do we hold on to sanity when the odds are all against it. How do we manage. Why can't we change what has happened, control the past the outcome, make it all better. Why?

Today when I thought I was holding on, i lost it. Driving home, i saw it in the road, i thought it was a squirrel. It was a small dog, a chihuahua laying dead in the road. All alone, small and helpless. There was nothing I could do but cry. Be sad for the poor thing, that had no collar, probably no responsible owner. Otherwise it would be sitting on a pink pillow eating something yummy. I HATE irresponsible dog owners.

The only think I could do for the poor thing, was cry, was to sob all the way home, being sad for why it happened. Wishing it had not, dreaming that I could change the impossible. Because I can't make you come back little baby. You are gone, and it is sad, and I am soo sorry.

Fear of Flying

Today I had the inspection on my "new home". I am finally getting excited about this, and the fear of the mortgage, fear of being on my own, the fear of the unknown is starting to dissipate and the and anticipation of a new beginning, where to put my furniture and hang my artwork is taking over. This is good.

So there are a few problems, all I pretty much already knew about, no surprises, which was good. In good faith I didn't ask for credits, I asked for the washer and dryer.

It has been a busy week. Actually crazy busy in the fact I have to work on 2 of my regular day offs, but just a few hours each day. Relief!

CG at Amusings wants me to get to a concert here locally, I am gonna try! I suppose I should buy tickets and commit!!!

I am making some pasta for dinner. Noodles with peas, bacon, and some sauce made with a little butter, milk and Parmesan cheese. Simple. Trying to clean out my freezer and eat whats there. Which is alot. I suppose I should start pulling things out of the freezer, so when they defrost I cook them. My new fridge is very small compared to this huge built in I have now!

Little Boxes

Wasn't that a song by Pete Seeger? Anyhow the house if full of boxes now. I spent all of yesterday packing up the kitchen, most of it is done. I also have a huge pile of stuff to give away!!!! I can't believe how much stuff I have.
Candice was here helping and talked me into getting rid of one set of dishes.

I was really tired after yesterday. D and I went to have sushi, well I had sushi he had other stuff. He is not a big sushi head. It was good and I feel asleep as soon as I got home.

I am still in bed now, it rained last night, and all my friends are curled up with me. I should start packing up books now *sigh*. I am excited about moving, but also wishing that it was March 11th or so. It would be over.

Home is where the heart is

I bought a house. It is around the corner from me. You can look at it here until it comes off the market "officially". It needs paint and other things, but it will be mine, and I don't have to move out of my neighnorhood which I love.

A year ago

Natalie died.