Snarky

Love that little word. It describes how I have been feeling the last few days. I am also feeling a wave of depression, kind of like "what next"?. Been on the verge of tears a few times too. Not sure what all this means. Maybe on the verge of a "crack up", "breakdown" (not break dance), or just plain sad.

Bunches of headaches, at work, the divorce which is getting realy ugly, at least the relationship is fine, other than the kid. Not my kids, his kid. Who is 14, diabetic, had ADHD and is spoiled rotten. Yep, the kid gets on my nerves pretty easily. Although it is better now. At first almost every date he would call bored, with a tummy ache, wanted something. Now we do spend time with the kids, and the alone time is less interupted.

Life feels lonely. Sometimes I think about where I am at. 46, living alone with 3 dogs, a husband who walked out on me, a daughter who died, a sister who died, trying to smile at everyone and everything like it is all ok, and normal. It is not fucking normal to have all this shit happen to you. Maybe God is punishing me for something.