Later that same day....
I am numb. I checked out pretty early today. It is only 7:15, I got the boys a pizza and wings, delivered, thank god.
I am hurting real bad now. I am not sure what is going on. I miss Nat, she was always the one to try and cheer me up, and be there. So I suppose if Andy had not left, Nat could have pulled me through. She would have kept me going. Candice is to involved with her jobs and boy friend, Jake is to young, Nat was an old soul, like me.
February 18, 2006
I woke up early this morning and lazed in bed until about 8, then I got the laptop and brought it back to bed with me, turned up the heat and replied to some e-mails that I owed people. Right now I don't know what I would do without my on-line friends. I am really enjoying getting e-mails, so mail away if you are so inclined.
Mitzi (or memo as I now call her) is back to her old self now that all the company has gone. She really is not good with strangers.
I am not sure what today has in store. I think I am going to go to lunch with Candice, then to the market. I need to write thank you notes for flowers and such. The problem is some of the flowers cards were missing. I hope people understand if they don't get a thank you.
I am still numb about my whole situation. I spoke to Andy Thursday and he asked how Jake was. I told him, I wasn't sure. He should call him. I can't imagine losing your sister and the only man that you have ever know as your father all at once.
I can't imagine losing my daughter and my husband either.
February 16, 2006
I got on-line yesterday to read journals and one of my favorite reads is closed. Yvonne's is a wonderful woman. I am going to miss her dearly.
I came into work today for a few hours, mainly so I wouldn't be alone as my friend who has been staying with me left this morning. It really hit me hard that now I will be alone in the house with a 17 year old. She has been a huge source of support, making me laugh, keeping me balanced.
It seems like after we buried Nat that no one calls anymore.
February 8, 2006
A very close friend of mine drove down from Northern California yesterday to spend some time with me. She arrived yesterday and immediately got me back on track, treadmill, getting out of bed early and today a manicure.
She brought her big dog with her and while she was walking him later this afternoon, I got on the treadmill to watch the food channel. I love hearing Paula Dean say the word "butter". Any how I was going along and heard the front door open and a "Hola", I called to Jake in his room that Candice was here and he should tell her I was in the back bedroom. He obliged, and came back a few minutes later and said that no one had come in.
I know I heard "Hola" and the door open and close. Nat always came over unannounced with coffee (she worked at Peet's) or for dinner. Candice never came over unless she told me. Guess who was here.
I am sure it was Nat. I know it sounds crazy, but it was. She wanted me to know she was back here and ok. "Hola"
February 7, 2006
I can't stay away forever. I am having a hard time putting together my thoughts, however I am having to do so today. I had to write a tribute for the Alumni newsletter, and the petitions for the Mass Saturday. SO I thought I would put up the tribute for you to read.
It's all about the Love
Natalie Catrine embraced her life, and embraced those around her with her beautiful smile. Natalie was part of the 2003 Alverno graduating class, she made many very close forever friends that held her hands as she received her wings.
Natalie battled Cystic Fibrosis, eventually receiving a living donor lung transplant from her sister Candice and her second cousin Scott who traveled from Wisconsin to donate. In spite of these challenges, when I look back on her life she experienced so much.
Alverno was the place of Natalies catharsis, she grew up here and as her senior project was presented we all realized she had finally accepted her disease. She gave a presentation about Cystic Fibrosis, but she also took us into the sorrow and sadness she experienced while in denial of her sickness, and wanting to be like everyone else. Telling her whole school and faculty this made me realize she had finally come to terms with herself.
Though she only was with us for 21 short years, Natalie experienced a lifetime of fun and experiences. She lived in Lake Tahoe and learned to ski, she made several trips to the east coast to visit family, Natalie spent 4 weeks in Costa Rica living participating in a program to build a school in a small village. Natalie, went away to college at Cal State Monterey Bay , she fell in love, and lived independently after her transplant. She loved Pablo Neruda poetry, gummie bears, her dog Roscoe, and her favorite saying was “It’s all about the love”.
February 2, 2006
Natalie Catrine
January 16 1985 - February 1, 2006
