Last night I had a bit of a revelation. Yea, sounds pretty stupid, but I realized I might be lonely. Duh? Jake has been home now for a couple weeks, on summer break. So I have been cooking more and had someone around. Last night I got home started some dinner, made a drink and went out to sit on the patio to throw the ball for Daisy and Jake came out to sit and talk. It was nice, someone to share the day with, hang out, cook dinner for. I thought to myself maybe I am just lonely sometimes. Having a partner does have its benefits I suppose.
Relationships are complicated. Last week finally got a letter in the mail that told me my divorce was final, as of May 21, 2007. When I opened it, thinking it was yet another bill from the attorney, I was shocked to read the legal filing of disillusionment. In a way I was sad, I didn't tell anyone that. Everyone seemed so happy for me. But in a way it was also a sad day. It meant I failed as a wife. It meant I was single at the age of 47. It meant that I was closer to being alone at retirement than I wanted to think about. I think my mouth dropped open when I read the letter, and I think I still am in shock about the whole thing, perhaps I think I am living in some fog.
I love D, and we see each other on the weekends, and I think I would like to have someone around more, but maybe not full time. I think that I do not want to marry again, not that it has been ever discussed.
BTW the pic has nothing to do with the post.
3 comments:
I'm sorry your marriage did not work out, it is sad. As far as you failing as a wife, I can't agree with that - it's a partnership and it takes two to succeed. One person cannot do it all or be blamed.
I like the writing. I am also recently seperated (for the third time from the same spouse)
You can check out my blog at chrishowardsthoughts.blogspot.com
I'm also sorry your marriage didn't work out BUT I fully agree with yvonne...you did not fail as a wife (why do women ofteb blame themselves) because it takes two...
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