Negotiations

I meet the jerk tonight at the house to try and negotiate a settlement. I normally would not have suggested he come over but I know he wanted to get some of his stuff including his dishes. And since I had already packed up most of his stuff, his stuff, not joint stuff, it makes sense to just let him take it away. We will go somewhere to talk after that, or maybe just sit down at the table. Depends on how I feel.

I am not looking forward to this and am already on the verge of tears, which make me think leaving the house would be a good idea since it might keep me from bawling. Not sure why I want to cry, but maybe its because I still can't believe all this is happening to me.

In my wildest of dreams I think maybe he will change his mind, and not want to go through with it. But then I realize, I really don't want to be married to this jerk anymore. I want someone who is not so self centered. SO this is inevitable. And it needs to be over as soon as possible.

D and the brat are in Tahoe right now. I think that is making me even more melancholoy. I keep getting text messages from him describing my old home. Makes me homesick. He sent one that said "wish u were here". I din't respond, because I would have been if I had been invited. I wasn't. And it was probably not a good idea for me to go. The brat would have surely felt like I was horning in on his vacation. Although they are golfing almost every other day, so I don't know how that would have been possible!

Anyhow I will report in on how this night of horror goes. Hopefully I will be able to tolerate it and not get to emotional. Wish me luck.