OK so I am feeling pathetic once again. I believe the last time I mentioned this was right after Nat died. I have been wanting to post. I have been writing posts in my mind. Sort of like blogging daydreams. But have not put it into real word on the screen for some reason. Maybe I am afraid of what I will read. I am supposed to be OK now. Its been a year and a half since Nat Died, my husband left me, my divorce is final, as of May 21st, I have boyfriend, a house a job. So what is wrong?
I think I might be depressed. I am gaining weight, eating too much, drinking too much, sleeping too much. I have a list of things I need to do and no motivation. For a few weeks it was to hot to do anything, and I have been financially challenged. But things are better now. Weather is nice, my bank account is not double digits, I could plant my flower boxes and the pots on the patio, there is lots to be done.
So what the fuck is wrong with me? I don't want to do anything. I am sad, lonely, disappointed, I want to sleep all the time. I need some motivation, some friends, some purpose.
Jake is back at school, Candice is too busy now to spend any time with me. For the last 10 years I took care of everyone, my kids my husband. Made their lives better. Now they are all gone, and my life sucks. I don't have anyone to take care of, no one to talk to , to cook for, to yell at, to remind to take their medicines, to pick up after, its just me and the pooches. Just me.
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3 comments:
Hey, I am coming up to Anaheim to visit a theme park that I used to work at next month(gee I wonder what one that could be?!) Just the kids and I. Would you like to get together then? Haven't seen you since 1982...geez, I feel old now! Pam
Annie, please go see a doctor for a referral. I loved my therapist, and while she didn't make things all right she helped me find my direction. It was so nice to have someone to listen to me, be on my side and to call me on the carpet when needed (even if that's what I was paying her for!).
I struggle and I don't have the same life-changing experiences as you have but on the shallow end of managing life, I make lists with chores, events, obligations to be crossed off. Somehow, when one thing is slashed off, it encourages me to do something else. Almost like I am competing against myself. If that makes any sense at all.
I know I could never solve anything for you but how I wish we lived closer to one another. A shared bottle of wine with some tears with a girl friend lightens the burden just a bit.
Love you.
Been there... ))))hugs((((
To the pooches you are their world take some comfort from that.
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