We all make mistakes, right?

I did a really dumb thing Thursday night. I am not quite sure what made me snap, but I did. I think it is everything that is going on, it being the month of anniversaries of the horrible things. So there was then the straw that broke the camels back. I'm not even sure what it was.

I totally bitched out Candice's boyfriend. They have been together over 2 years. They have had their rough patches, he came home with hickeys on his neck after being out with his friends once, drove home from his brothers at UCI so drunk that when he got to Candice's he passed out in her bed and urinated, I cant stand the way he treats his mother, whom he still lives with, he is 27. I could go on, but the icing on the cake was when he quit his job late last summer. It was his first real job out of college, he was there less thank a year. A graphic designer he thinks he should be working for some big fashion agency. MEH. Any how so he decides he is better than this place, doesn't like the commute he isn't getting paid enough so he resigns. Needless to say he is still unemployed. Had some part time work, one job Candice got him. One job through an agency.

Its been bugging me. No one told him what a bad decision he made. He came over shortly after he quit and asked me to help him with his resume. I told him that with 1 year of experience he would never even get an interview, so we had to fluff up the experience on paper to at least get his foot in the door. So we did. I spent alot of time helping him with that resume.

But something snapped on Thursday. And I looked at him and started to tell him what an idiot he was or leaving his job, how he is not as good as he thinks he is, how disrespectful he is to his mother, how my daughter deserved better than him, and how he needed to grow up and get his own place. I went on and said lots of things that I shouldn't have lots of things that are none of my business. He ranted back and said some awful things to me, Candice said he was defending himself. One highlight he told me was that I had never even seen his resume, I ask him if he forgot that I wrote it. Oh, but the agency he went to told him to take those things out. Well that's cuz they are marketing him now. He is such an idiot.

I think deep inside I know that if Candice marries this guy, it will be a life of hell. He has a drinking problem, she has even admitted that to me that he doesn't know when to stop. he has already had one DUI. He is disrespectful of his mother, bringing people over late at night to party (now that he is not working) when she has to get up the next day. Once they were at my house for a BBQ and she came into the kitchen and told me he had said she shouldn't be wearing what she had on because it made her look fat. This woman is not fat. Maybe I am trying to protect her.

I apologized. I told Candice I was wrong. She was upset because of what his mom might think of me now. We always did things together as a family, but as he pointed out to me during the tirade, I am not his family. She hung up on me and now is not speaking to me. She is all I have, my niece that I raised as my daughter. Her sister is dead, she is now my best friend. It is killing me that she is so angry with me. It is killing me that I couldn't keep my big mouth shut.

I was wrong, I know that. But I think all of it has been festering for several months. He is an arrogant kid, he needs a swift kick, I suppose I thought I should be the one. Well it was and is non of my business, and now I have alienated my sweet girl. I am sick. I haven't been able to do anything but mope.

I need a hug.