The Dream

The more I thought about the dream, the more I thought I should write it down. I think that part of it was prompted by an article I read in the San Diego Union, it was an interview with 2 different church leaders. One eastern, musilm, one western, chrisitian. They both felt that worldwide signs indicated it was the end of days, or the end of the world as we catholics call it. I supppose since I was a kid I have surpressed a fear of this. My mother would constantly chime"it's the end of the world", every time some significant negative world event occured. As a child, it frightened me. As an adult I suppose that fear comes to the surface. My mother was and still is a lunatic.

But in the dream my sister was there. She had a book, with pictures, and was trying to show me all the signs of what was happening all over. Pictures of statues and stone gods. I kept tearing the pages of the book up, but she kept trying to show me. She told me it didn't matter if I tore tha pages up, it would still happen. My sister is dead, for those of you who haven't followed my story. So I suppose that as I thought more about this, it seems as if my sister, from the other side, is trying to tell me something.

D was in the dream, and I was trying to talk to him and he couldn't hear me, and wasn't paying attention. When I finally got his attention he told me that he would not believe me becasue I had lied before, so why shouldn't he believe what Barbara (my sister) was saying. It was distressing because the person I feel the safest with now, D, was not my ally in my dream.

I know that there is too much shit going on in my life now, and maybe I need to clean up some of the stuff. There is one thing going on now, that I won't even write about here in my secret of secret places, that I need to "deal" with. And no it is not any type of substance abuse.

I need a clearer conscience.